Proverbs 26:1-28 (Il est trés importants pour la vie.)- 1- Like snow in summer, and rain at harvest, honor is inappropriate for a fool.
- 2- Like a flitting sparrow, or a fluttering swallow, an undeserved curse goes nowhere.
- 3- A whip for the horse, a bridle for the donkey, and a rod for the backs of fools.
- 4- Don't answer a fool according to his foolishness, or you'll be like him yourself.
- 5- Answer a fool according to his foolishness, or he'll become wise in his own eyes.
- 6- The one who sends a message by a fools hand, cuts off his own feet and drinks violence.
- 7- A proverb in the mouth of a fool is like lame legs that hang limp.
- 8- Giving honor to a fool is like binding a stone into a sling.
- 9- A proverb in the mouth of a fool is like a stick with thorns brandished by the hands of a drunk.
- 10-The one who hires a fool, or who hires those passing by, is like an archer wounding everyone.
- 11- As a dog returns to its vomit, so a fool repeats his foolishness.
- 12- Do you see a man who is wise in his own eyes? There is more hope for a fool than for him.
- 13- The slacker is full of excuses, saying, "I can't go outside because there might be a lion in the road! Yes, I'm sure a lion is out there!"
- 14- A door turns on its hinges as a slacker turns in his bed.
- 15- The slacker buries his hand in the bowl, but is too weary to bring it to his mouth.
- 16- In his own eyes, the slacker is wiser than seven men who can answer sensibly.
- 17- A passerby who meddles in a quarrel that is not his, is like one who pulls a dog by the ears.
- 18- Like a madman who throws flaming darts and deadly arrows,
- 19- so is the man who lies to a friend and says "I was only joking!"
- 20-Without wood fire goes out; without a gossip, conflict die down.
- 21- As charcoal for embers and wood for fire, so is a quarrelsome man for kindling strife.
- 22-A gossip's words are like choice food that goes down to ones innermost being.
- 23-Smooth lips with an evil heart are like pretty glaze on a common clay pot.
- 24-A hateful person disguises himself with his speech and harbors deceit within.
- 25-When he speaks graciously, don't believe him, for there are seven abominations in his heart.
- 26-Though his hatred is concealed by deception, his evil will be revealed in the assembly.
- 27-The one who digs a pit will fall in it, and whoever rolls a stone- it will come back on him
- 28-A lying tongue hates those it crushes, and a flattering mouth causes ruin.
Saturday, January 17
All About Fools.
"Mastering Sarcasm"
i got this from a website, but i cannot for the life of me remember where since it was so long ago. buts its HILAROUS.
“Mastering Sarcasm:
Sarcasm is the primary weapon in the arsenal of the Anti-Social. Not only is it good for amusing oneself, it is a surefire way to get the ever-present human detritus off your back. Sarcasm is the first thing a true Anti-Social needs to develop in order to progress to more advanced tutorials.
Step One:Let's make sure that we understand what we are talking about when we say "sarcasm". Telling someone that they suck is not sarcasm, it is honesty. Replying to every negative comment with a Yo Momma joke, while amusing and infuriating for your target, is not sarcasm. Sarcasm is defined as "A keen, reproachful expression; a satirical remark uttered with some degree of scorn or contempt; a taunt; a gibe; a cutting jest." Now that we know what sarcasm is, we know we must hone the edge of our sarcastic wit to a fine edge in order to make it cut smoothly.
Step Two:Let's try the ever popular practice-in-a-mirror routine to get started. Now, as you look at yourself in the mirror say, as if you were speaking to me, "Hello. Nice day today, isn't it?" Now which of my replies constitutes sarcasm?
1. Yes, it is.
2. No, it is not.
3. Well, I thought it might be raining but then I realized it was just your spittle.
4. Oh yes, it was a lovely day, and I had just begun to enjoy it before my tolerance of inane comments was tested. But thanks for wasting my time anyway, I'm going to look this way now.
The answer is, of course, number 4. Sure, number 3 seems sarcastic but it is more of a rude comment than a truly sarcastic jibe. Notice when I replied with answer number 3 how you merely got angry while answer number 4 made you feel belittled. That's what good sarcasm does, because after all, everyone else is below our disdain.
Step Three:How can you begin to master the sarcastic wit now that you can recognize it? Well, sometimes watching the masters perform their art is the best way to learn. On that note, read as much Ambrose Bierce as you can get your hands on, watch and listen to Denis Leary comedy routines and visit your local DMV in order to sample the sudden displays of sarcasm from both clerk and customer. Another good source is any character played by David Spade. The diminuative Mr. Spade has brought sarcasm to the great unwashed, and you can benefit from watching his performance. Don't forget to practice in the mirror!
Step Four:Now you need to get out there and set your sarcastic sights on potential targets. This does not require much more than the standard trip to the convenience store to get your cigarettes or to the liquor store to get your booze. Here are some examples of common sarcasm-rich meetings common to everyday life:
· The line to pay for your items at the convenience store: you have 10 items while the woman behind you has 1. She asks if she can cut in front of you so she can just pay for her one item and go. Your reply should be similar to, "Oh please, be my guest. I'd forgotten how little my time is worth in comparison to your obvious need of a Dove bar." Be sure to mention how she'll need to move quicker to work off the massive amounts of fat in the item she is purchasing then snort derisively and do not let her ahead of you.
· The liquor store: the clerk asks if you would like a bag for your bottle of Jack Daniel's. Your reply should relate to, "Oh, no thanks. I was just planning on downing it right here at the cash register so I could get another one that much quicker. On second thought, give me the bag anyway, I've been meaning to take pulls off a brown bagged bottle while stumbling down the street for days now." Snort derisively and tell the clerk that yes, that means you would like a bag.
· The doctor's office: The doctor calls you in after an hour of waiting. He makes a snide comment hoping that you weren't kept waiting too long. Your reply should be subtle so as not to encourage the doctor to physically hurt you while examining you. Something along the lines of, "Oh no, doctor, the wait wasn't too bad, but I think I may have left a stain on your waiting room chair. My hemorrhoids have been bleeding pretty heavily again. By the way, do you mind checking them out while I'm here?" Doctor can't argue with that logic (sadly for the doctor). If you don't have hemorrhoids, insert any significantly bloody or pus-filled symptom you may have in its place.
Congratulations! You've finished the sarcasm tutorial. You're one step closer to becoming truly Anti-Social. Sarcasm is the one skill you can never truly master. There is always another rung in the ladder to true sarcasm. But keep practicing and soon you'll make people cringe in horror every time you open your mouth to respond to their inane questions.”
“Mastering Sarcasm:
Sarcasm is the primary weapon in the arsenal of the Anti-Social. Not only is it good for amusing oneself, it is a surefire way to get the ever-present human detritus off your back. Sarcasm is the first thing a true Anti-Social needs to develop in order to progress to more advanced tutorials.
Step One:Let's make sure that we understand what we are talking about when we say "sarcasm". Telling someone that they suck is not sarcasm, it is honesty. Replying to every negative comment with a Yo Momma joke, while amusing and infuriating for your target, is not sarcasm. Sarcasm is defined as "A keen, reproachful expression; a satirical remark uttered with some degree of scorn or contempt; a taunt; a gibe; a cutting jest." Now that we know what sarcasm is, we know we must hone the edge of our sarcastic wit to a fine edge in order to make it cut smoothly.
Step Two:Let's try the ever popular practice-in-a-mirror routine to get started. Now, as you look at yourself in the mirror say, as if you were speaking to me, "Hello. Nice day today, isn't it?" Now which of my replies constitutes sarcasm?
1. Yes, it is.
2. No, it is not.
3. Well, I thought it might be raining but then I realized it was just your spittle.
4. Oh yes, it was a lovely day, and I had just begun to enjoy it before my tolerance of inane comments was tested. But thanks for wasting my time anyway, I'm going to look this way now.
The answer is, of course, number 4. Sure, number 3 seems sarcastic but it is more of a rude comment than a truly sarcastic jibe. Notice when I replied with answer number 3 how you merely got angry while answer number 4 made you feel belittled. That's what good sarcasm does, because after all, everyone else is below our disdain.
Step Three:How can you begin to master the sarcastic wit now that you can recognize it? Well, sometimes watching the masters perform their art is the best way to learn. On that note, read as much Ambrose Bierce as you can get your hands on, watch and listen to Denis Leary comedy routines and visit your local DMV in order to sample the sudden displays of sarcasm from both clerk and customer. Another good source is any character played by David Spade. The diminuative Mr. Spade has brought sarcasm to the great unwashed, and you can benefit from watching his performance. Don't forget to practice in the mirror!
Step Four:Now you need to get out there and set your sarcastic sights on potential targets. This does not require much more than the standard trip to the convenience store to get your cigarettes or to the liquor store to get your booze. Here are some examples of common sarcasm-rich meetings common to everyday life:
· The line to pay for your items at the convenience store: you have 10 items while the woman behind you has 1. She asks if she can cut in front of you so she can just pay for her one item and go. Your reply should be similar to, "Oh please, be my guest. I'd forgotten how little my time is worth in comparison to your obvious need of a Dove bar." Be sure to mention how she'll need to move quicker to work off the massive amounts of fat in the item she is purchasing then snort derisively and do not let her ahead of you.
· The liquor store: the clerk asks if you would like a bag for your bottle of Jack Daniel's. Your reply should relate to, "Oh, no thanks. I was just planning on downing it right here at the cash register so I could get another one that much quicker. On second thought, give me the bag anyway, I've been meaning to take pulls off a brown bagged bottle while stumbling down the street for days now." Snort derisively and tell the clerk that yes, that means you would like a bag.
· The doctor's office: The doctor calls you in after an hour of waiting. He makes a snide comment hoping that you weren't kept waiting too long. Your reply should be subtle so as not to encourage the doctor to physically hurt you while examining you. Something along the lines of, "Oh no, doctor, the wait wasn't too bad, but I think I may have left a stain on your waiting room chair. My hemorrhoids have been bleeding pretty heavily again. By the way, do you mind checking them out while I'm here?" Doctor can't argue with that logic (sadly for the doctor). If you don't have hemorrhoids, insert any significantly bloody or pus-filled symptom you may have in its place.
Congratulations! You've finished the sarcasm tutorial. You're one step closer to becoming truly Anti-Social. Sarcasm is the one skill you can never truly master. There is always another rung in the ladder to true sarcasm. But keep practicing and soon you'll make people cringe in horror every time you open your mouth to respond to their inane questions.”
Bride Wars
is pretty hilarious!
i was sooooo excited to see a Romantic Comedy that was PG. ie- no useless sex scene.
have you seen Yes Man??
HOLY CRAP? did they even need that in there?? SEROUSLY???
if you've seen it you know what i'm talking about.
if you haven't? wait for DVD so you can skip past it.
but, Zooey Deschanel was AMAZING in it. I LOVE her with black/brown hair!
well, i'm off to the River to see Paul Blart Mall Cop with my bestee KIM!
i was sooooo excited to see a Romantic Comedy that was PG. ie- no useless sex scene.
have you seen Yes Man??
HOLY CRAP? did they even need that in there?? SEROUSLY???
if you've seen it you know what i'm talking about.
if you haven't? wait for DVD so you can skip past it.
but, Zooey Deschanel was AMAZING in it. I LOVE her with black/brown hair!
well, i'm off to the River to see Paul Blart Mall Cop with my bestee KIM!
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